Jutsu Gone Wrong
by clazykid
Summary: Naruto is desperately looking for ramen. He tries to bribe Jiraiya with his sexy jutsu, and it works. Now he can't change back. Will Naruto find a way to change back to his old self? How will he fare in life living as a girl?
1. Desperate for Ramen

Naruto was furious.

He couldn't find any ramen _anywhere_.

His house was full of empty cups, Ichiraku's was sold out. He'd looked all over the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

No Ramen.

He was just about to cross the border to ask Gaara if _he_ had any ramen, when he had a brilliant idea.. Running out of his room and breaking out of his house, he frantically looked everywhere around himself.

Where was Jiraiya?

At last, he found the toad sage, doing what he did best, his so-called incredibly artistic 'research' right in the middle of a pub. Sighing with relief, he called out, "Hey, pervy sage!"

Jiraiya turned to look at him. His expression said, Can't-you-see-I'm-busy? Naruto grinned impishly. He waved his hand.

'Come here," Naruto mouthed.

Sighing, Jiraija shambled to where Naruto stood.

"Pervy sage," Naruto whispered in his ear. "Have I got a deal for you…"


	2. Jiraiya's Idea

Jiraiya felt giddy. He chuckled to himself. Naruto would do anything for a good cup of ramen.

"Now listen, pervy sage! You are gonna find me some ramen to eat while Ichiraku's is still sold out!"

"And in return?" Jiraiya had said.

Naruto's smile got a little smaller. "Well, I'll do the sexy jutsu for you the whole day! Anything you want! But..uh..that's only if you get me ramen. So go!"

Jiraiya's small smile stretched to a huge grin. He fantasized about what naruto's sexy jutsu could do for his writing. _"A work of art could become an even bigger work of art," _ He thought to himself. All he had to do was find a cup of ramen.

Stopping in a tree near a waterfall, Jiraiya paused to relax and do some 'research'.

He froze.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out Naruto's wallet that Naruto had given him to pay for the ramen. He peeked inside the wallet.

Empty.

"Naruto...you little brat..."Jiraiya muttered. But then Jiraiya saw the huge hole that teared at the froggy wallet's back. The money must have fallen out. Checking all his pockets, he found some coins that were still safe. They added up to 50 yen. "50 yen...that won't even get me two noodles!" Jiraiya grumbled.

Well, he wasn't going back now. Jiraiya thought. Then he smiled slyly. "Certainly those ladies at the waterfall wouldn't mind handing a man of my charm some money for a pour soul!" Jiraiya began his descent to the waterfall's side.

Apparently those ladies did mind handing money to a man of Jiraiya's charm.

Covered in slap prints, Jiraiya jumped from tree to tree. Where was he supposed to find money for ramen now?

Then he slapped his forehead. Of course!


	3. A Slight Problem

Jiraiya was headed back to the Leaf Village. There was no way his genjutsu idea wouldn't work. Naruto was too dense to even figure out Jiraiya was using any genjutsu.

Naruto was sleeping in his room by the time Jiraiya got back. "Naruto," Jiraiya said loudly to wake the sleeping boy up.

"RAMEN!" Naruto sat bolt-upright. Jiraiya felt more than a little guilty for what he was about to do. He knew how serious Naruto was about ramen. But, he needed that sexy jutsu more than anything. So he focused his chakra and started the genjutsu.

Handing Naruto the illusionary ramen was like taking candy from a baby. Naruto quickly gobbled up the ramen. Looking satisfied, Naruto smiled at Jiraiya.

"Okay, pervy sage. You deserve it." With that, Naruto made then hand sign and shouted, "SEXY JUTSU!"

In a cloud of mist, Naruto was gone and replaced by a very pretty girl Jiraiya much preferred.

All of Jiraiya's guilt disappeared.

He released the genjutsu.

A loud grumbling sound echoed in Jiraiya's ears. The beautiful version of Naruto looked at Jiraiya in an irritated way. "Hey, pervy sage. What kind of ramen did you feed me? I'm still starving!"

Uh oh.

Jiraiya looked the other way. "Uh, I kinda fed you a genjutsu ramen."

"You WHAT?!" Naruto looked furious.

Jiraiya shuffled his feet. He was treading on eggshells. Any moment now Naruto could release the jutsu and then he'd have done all that work for nothing. "Well, your wallet had a hole in it! There was no money for me to buy anything!"

Naruto held out his hand. "Give my wallet back!"

"Uhm...I threw it away."

"WHAT?!"

"Well, there was a huge hole in it! What was I supposed to do?!"

Naruto crossed his arms. "That's it. I'm releasing the jutsu. You don't deserve it!"

Jiraiya panicked. "NO! DON'T!"

Naruto did the hand sign.

Jiraiya sighed. Now there was no point in the whole thing. He opened Naruto's window.

"Hey, pervy sage?" Naruto said, still in his sexy jutsu.

"Whaddya want?" Jiraiya didn't turn around.

"I can't change back to normal."


	4. Very Unhappy Indeed

A bubble of panic rose in Naruto's throat. He desperately tried the release again.

Still female.

Naruto bit back a scream. This had never happened before.

_'Calm down,'_ He told himself. _'It's not like this is the first time that this has happened.' _The bubble of panic started to get smaller. Thinking, he tried to remember what to do if your jutsu refused to work.

Naruto covered his face with his hands.

_'Oh yeah,'_ He thought. _'This __**hasn't**__ happened before. How am I supposed to change back now?'_

The entire time he was thinking this, he had forgotten about Jiraiya, who was staring at him with one of _those _smiles.

"Fuhuhu..." Jraiya chuckled. "Looks like today is my lucky day after all."

Naruto backed up into a corner. He tried the release again, even though he knew it didn't work. He had to try something.

...

Naruto now wished he'd tried something else that wasn't as hopeless, like maybe climbing out the window.

He should have thought of that sooner, as he was now standing knee deep in water, at Jiraiya's favorite research spot-the waterfall.

"You want me to do what?!" Naruto shrieked in his new girly voice.

Jiraiya waved his hand, like he was shooing a fly. "Go on, frolic in the water."

Naruto crossed his arms. "And why should I?"

"You said, one whole day of sexy jutsu, whatever I want, did you not?"

"Hmph! That deal ended as soon as you decided to feed me fake ramen! I'm still starving!"

Jiraiya sighed. Then his face turned sly. "Say...Naruto?"

"What now?!"

"If you can drink all this water in this pool, I'll let you go. If you can't, I get sexy jutsu for two days!"

"What."

"That's what I said! Two days of sexy jutsu..." Jiraiya's mouth watered at the thought of it.

Even Naruto, the number-one-knucklehead-ninja didn't have to think about it. "No way! I don't want to drink that water, or do sexy jutsu anymore!"

Jiraiya shrugged. "It's not like you have a choice. You're stuck in this jutsu aren't you?"

"That doesn't matter! I'm still not doing it for _you_!"

"Okay...if you say so..."

Naruto was very, very, unhappy.

He was currently trying to drink all the water in the waterfall pool. Why?

Not because Jiraiya threatened to tell everyone that he was such a horrible ninja he got stuck in his jutsu.

Not because Jiraiya had some infuriating pictures that simply could not be shown to anyone.

No, only because he, Naruto Uzumaki, **wanted **to drink all this water by his own free will.

Naruto was very, very, unhappy.

**Author's note: Hey guys! Thank you for sticking with me and to all those who read, reviewed, favorited and followed my story! Thanks a bunch, there's way more to come!**

**-orangearth**


	5. Swimming in Panic

_'C'mon, Naruto!' _Naruto told himself. _'You can do it!' _Naruto took another gulp of the waterfall pool. _'You can do it! Don't give up now! You can do it! Believe it!'_

Naruto couldn't do it.

He was now sitting in his too-small drenched orange jumpsuit beside the pool. Jiraiya sat next to him.

There was a silence.

"What." Naruto puffed.

Jiraiya shrugged. "At least you aren't starving anymore."

Naruto was wandering.

"Naruto!" Sakura's pink head bobbed up and down as she ran towards the boy...er, girl. "Naruto! Boy, am I glad to see..."

Sakura's voice trailed off as she came closer and closer. "Naruto?"

Naruto didn't know what to do. First, Sakura came running to see her knight in shining armor, himself, only to find out that knight was female.

Sakura stared at him. Then, realization dawned in her eyes and she started laughing. Loudly. "Oh, boy, Naruto! Hahahaha! What have you gotten yourself into?! Hahaha!"

This was the only time Naruto wished Sakura wasn't a genius.

After Sakura had dried her tears of laughter, her eyes widened. "Agh! I forgot! Tsunade wanted me to get Jiraiya, and since you're always with him, I figured I'd get you. Do you know where he is?"

Naruto grinned sheepishly as he remembered the beat-up pulp he'd made of Jiraiya. "Uh...noooo..."

...

Where. Was. Sakura.

Naruto sped around the village. He had to find her. Then he remembered.

_"Tsunade wanted me to find..." _He recalled Sakura saying.

Tsunade.

Rushing to where Sakura spent the day training, he slammed open the office door to where Sakura and Tsunade were talking. The stopped immediately.

Naruto desperately tried to regain his composure. "S-sakura? Can I talk to you...outside?"

Sakura's death glare made him think she didn't really want to.

Tsunade looked at Sakura, then at Naruto. She waved her hand. "Go ahead, Sakura."

Sakura turned to Tsunade. Then, without a word, she walked outside the office, Naruto closing the door behind them.

Whirling around, Sakura grabbed the female Naruto by the collar. "What do you want. We were just in the middle of something important."

Sakura was suprised to see tears on Naruto's feminine face.

"Sakura, you gotta help me. I drank all that water at the waterfall..." He trailed off.

Sakura's eye twitched. "Get to the point."

Naruto's face turned red. "Uh...um...I dunno...I dunno how to pee."


	6. A Ray of Hope

Now that Naruto was relieved, he could think straight.

But all he could think about was how _embarrassing _it was to ask a girl how to _pee_.

Sakura, on the other hand, seemed strangely patient and only called him an idiot three times.

Naruto suspected something.

"Hey, Sakura..."

"What?"

"How come you're being so nice to me? You're not even laughing."

Sakura froze. "Uh...stop being such a _loser_, Naruto! It's not my fault you're such a horrible ninja."

It didn't really answer the question. Naruto pondered. Then something in his brain clicked.

Loser.

Loser.

_"Get up, you loser."_

_"You're such a loser, Naruto."_

Sasuke.

Naruto scrambled to his feet. "AH-AH-AHA!" He pointed a finger at Sakura.

Sakura looked at him questioningly. "W-what?"

"Veeeerryy funny, Sasuke. I won't fall for your stupid tricks!" Naruto pulled a face.

Poof! There stood Sasuke, 100% pure Sasuke. He smirked. "Not bad, loser."

Naruto frowned. "Why'd you fake being Sakura?"

Sasuke said nothing.

"Hey! How'd you even know I was a girl?!"

"Hn."

"Did! DID SAKURA TELL YOU?!"

"Practically the whole village knows after she told Tsunade."

"WHY THE HECK WOULD SHE TELL TSUNADE?! AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED MY QUESTION!"

"What."

"Why were you pretending to be Sakura?!"

Then two things occurred to Naruto.

One, Sasuke was pretending to be Sakura the whole time, like when 'Sakura' first saw him this morning. Where was the real Sakura?

And two...

Naruto's eyes bugged out. "Sasuke! How the HECK did you know how to teach me...to pee if you're a boy?!"

...

Naruto had no idea where Sasuke was now.

He also had a black eye.

"Stupid showoff Sasuke...with his prissy hair...using up all the hair gel...telling everyone I'm a girl..."

Naruto would not give up. He would figure out a way to turn back!

As he was clenching his fists, looking towards the sky, eyes shining, feeling as manly as a girl could, something grabbed his ankle.

The manly moment was over for Naruto as he let out a very girlish scream. Jiraiya had crawled back from his peeping spot, now grabbing at Naruto's ankle.

"So beautiful..." Jiraiya whispered. "How could someone like_ you_ craft such divine beauty?!"

Naruto felt very indignant. "Hey. It runs in the blood, old geezer! Obviously because I'm so good-looking, my jutsus are good-looking too!"

Jiraiya's face told him it certainly was _not_ obvious. Naruto stuck his tongue at him. Sucks for him.

A boy about 15 years looked at Naruto and Jiraiya, still grabbing on to Naruto's ankle. With an angry look on his face, the boy started to march over.

Naruto groaned inwardly. Great, another guy who's gonna ridicule me on my ninja skills.

To the contrary, as the boy stopped at Jiraiya and kicked him in the face. Clearly he had no idea he was one of the legendary sennin, and simply a perverted old man. It wasn't hard to believe, because after Naruto had beat him senseless(Jiraiya was stunned by the sexy jutsu)his clothes were ripped up and you could hardly tell he was Jiraiya since his face was so horribly disfigured.

Naruto looked at the boy closer. _Dear god, it was Rock Lee._

"How dare you assault this poor girl!" Lee said angrily. "She doesn't look over the age of 15!"

Stunned, and with a footprint on his face, Jiraiya let go of Naruto's ankle.

Naruto had forgotten he was still in his jutsu. Lee looked at him, then smiled, showing his teeth. With a thumbs-up, he started, "My name is Rock Lee! I haven't seen you around before! You must have been scared! Boy, wait till Gai-Sensei hears that I saved an innocent girl!"

Naruto's stomach grumbled. Lee grinned.

"I'll take you out to any restaurant in the village! Say, what's your name?"

Naruto had no idea what to say. "Uh..."

Instead of confusion, Lee took it as shyness. "No need to be shy! It's not a date, for my heart already belongs to another girl, with the beautiful name of Sakura." Lee's eyes sparkled as he thought about her.

Naruto wasn't listening. All he could remember was that Lee was so dense he didn't know it was him, and that he had offered to buy him lunch.

Buy. Him. Lunch.

Perhaps he could use his new female self to his advantage...


	7. Fine Dining

Naruto's somewhat dim-witted brain whirred and clicked while he and Lee were eating.

Lee attempted to make conversation. "So where are you from?"

Thinking as fast as he could, which took him a few seconds, Naruto said, "The Sand Village."

_'Phew!' _Naruto thought. '_That was a close one! I'll have to get better at lying! And faster or they'll be suspicious!'_

Lee slurped his noodles and swallowed. "You never told me, what _is _your name?"

Naruto froze. He slurped up the rest of his noodles and pointed to his mouth, pretending he needed a minute to chew. Then he saw Jiraiya and knew his cover would be blown soon, but he accidentally swallowed his noodles.

Lee waited.

"U-uh...what did you...say?"

"What's your name, miss?"

Naruto remembered he had to be fast. "Naru...Naruko."

Lee, being as dense as ever, did not recognize the similarities of Naruto and 'Naruko'. "Wow! That's a pretty name! Almost as pretty as Sakura..."

Naruto had an idea. Guilt was his best weapon here. He drooped his head, looking at the floor. Trying to be as girlish as he could, which was easy, him being a girl and all, he said quietly, "D-do you really think her name is prettier than mine?"

Lee looked shocked. "Uh! Well, I can't lie, yes I do! But I will make it up to you for making you sad, Naruko, and Gai-Sensei will be proud!" He handed Naruto some money. "You can buy yourself some nice clothes!"

Naruto was smart enough to figure out that nice clothes meant more guys, more guys mean more money, and more money meant more ramen! Taking the money out of Lee's bandaged hand, he thanked Lee and ran off before Jiraiya could catch him. But, now that he had a plan to get ramen, he didn't really feel worried anymore.

Lee watched Naruto...er, Naruko leave. He smirked.

Poof!

There sat Sasuke in Lee's place.

"Well, well, well...looks like the loser decided to live as a girl."

**Author's note: Gasp! Cliffhanger! I'm sorry guys! But! I updated 2 chapters today already and I'm tired...so after some snacks I'll get cracking again. Man, the holiday is over...anyway! Thanks for the reviews and support, please continue to review ESPECIALLY on what you want to happen next, it may give me some ideas! Or just be indifferent but secretly sit there waiting anxiously for my updates! I'm fine with either! Thanks for sticking with me!**

**orangearth**


	8. Planning Revenge

Sasuke pondered.

He thought.

"_That stupid idiot loser decided to live like a girl. He can't even turn back to he's original sorry state. Some ninja he is."_

Sasuke's eyes flared determinedly.

"_I will definitely embarrass him. I need my...REVENGE."_

__Sasuke won't ever forget that terrible day.

The second worst day of his entire life.

Simply the first day of ninja academy, not a big deal, really.

Until that orange jumpsuit eyesore decided to question his amazingness.

He jumped onto the desk in front of him, and an elecstaring glaring contest ensued.

Then some dolt decided to trip and push Naruto's back.

And so they kissed.

Again, the second worst day of Sasuke's life.

He wouldn't really have minded it if it was Sakura or Ino, they were, well, girls, and they were madly in love with him. He'd get way more popular and respected.

Not when he was just kissed by a colorblind monkey.

So embarrassing.

Sasuke vowed to get his...REVENGE.

He would stop at nothing to make sure everyone in the village knew Naruto's idiotic Jutsu has trapped himself in it, and how terrible of a ninja he is.

Revenge would be sweet.


	9. The First Step

Naruto fluttered his eyelashes and tugged on his long blonde hair. He giggled as sweetly as he could. The boy sitting across from him at the table almost had steam coming out of his ears as he shoveled yen, yen, and more yen out of his pockets to give to the ramen chef. Naruto sighed blissfully. It had been 2 days since he found out he couldn't change back, and it was probably the best 2 days of his life. He had never eaten so well, and for free at that! He felt a little disappointed that Ichiraku's was back in business almost as soon as he couldn't change back to a boy, but still;, it was a better situation now that he had a full stomach without paying anything.

_'A worthwhile loss,' _He thought.

And then he continued on with his noodles.

xxx

First, Sasuke would need a plan. And a good one, too. he needed a 100% chance of humiliating Naruto. It really wouldn't be hard. Naruto was about as bright as a twig.

But he still needed a plan.

Or five.

After sitting in his house for 2 hours with a piece of paper with only the words 'Humiliate Naruto' on them, he decided he didn't need a plan. Or five. He would come up with them on his own, like the genius he was.

He was walking around the town when he smelled it.

The faint, salty and delicious scent.

_Ramen._

And running to the nearest ramen place, Ichiraku's, of course he..she was there. With some strange boy.

Sasuke chuckled to himself. This would be too easy. Soon, the whole world would know of Naruto's huge failure.

He watched as Naruto tugged on his now long, blonde hair.

Long blonde hair.

He grinned wider as the idea popped into his head. _"Of course,'_ He thought. _'I'll just cut it off, and then everyone will suddenly see the resemblance between this Naruto, and boy Naruto. i won't even have to lift a finger.'_

__Sasuke pulled out 2 small kunai. He didn't need a big one for this mission. Pulling his hand back, he aimed at Naruto's two pigtails.

He flung the kunai, but not before someone grabbed onto his arms from behind, causing him to start, lose his balance, and let go of the kunai early.

He watched in despair as they soared towards Naruto's head, but only cut off half of the pigtails. The bands holding his two pigtails fell out from the sudden impact, and the pigtails filled out and cascaded over his shoulders.

_'Nooo...' _ Sasuke wailed mentally. _'He's even more beautiful and girl-like now!'_

Naruto sat in shock for awhile, a dazed look on his face. He went to pat the pigtails that weren't there, and a look of realization and relief split across his face. His lips turning up into a coy smile, he said flirtatiously, "Oopsies! Someone wanna get those bands for me?"

Almost all of the customers flipped over tables in their urgent need to get closer to Naruto. "Miss!" They shouted. "Your name, miss!"

And without hesitation, Naruto said, "Naruko, sweeties. Naruko."

Sasuke could almost feel the swooning from where he stood.

Then he remembered those arms wrapped around him. His anger and disappointment came flooding back and he started to turn around to see this person's face. _'It was because of this person...this-'_

"SASUKEEEEEEE! OH MY GOSH YOU'RE SO CUTE! I MISSED YOU HAHA, YOU WEREN'T HANGING OUT WITH SAKURA RIGHT? OH DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THAT NEW GIRL NARUKO, SHE'S ALL LOOKS AND NO BRAINS! SO UNLIKE ME HAHA...WELL IN THE BRAINS PART! OH SASUKE YOU'RE SO FUNNY!"

Ino. That girl grated on Sasuke's nerves. She was like a useless little butterfly that only got in the way. Only looks.

Sakura, on the otherhand, was a genius. She came with another bonus-Naruto was attracted to her. She would come in handy, indeed.

But first he had to get rid of Ino, who had stopped hugging and was standing in a flirty way, waiting for him to say something.

"Ino..."Sasuke began in what he thought was a sexy voice. He was corect, because Ino flushed. Sasuke cupped her face with his hands and just closed his eyes and started to lean closer, but really he was just dragging her by the head to his face.

It worked, though, and Ino fainted with a happy sigh. Sasuke immediately opened his eyes and let go, as she sank to the ground in a blushing puddle. He was about to walk away, when he realized.

_'Ino's gonna blab about this...unless she thinks it's a dream!'_

Sasuke scoured his surroundings for a good place to take a nap. Ino would wake up, disappointed, and nothing bad would escape from her lips into the eager ears of other girls. He found a little bench in the shade of a big tree, and just picked up Ino, and placed her on the bench as if she was really sleeping. As he turned around, he continued thinking.

But first, he needed to find Sakura.


End file.
